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Friday, April 10, 2020

Speedbump Enigma

I'm going to risk a break from adorable cat photos --which have admittedly distracted me from current ills-- and address a problem of societal conscience. Here is an illustration:

It has got us stuck like a big boat running up a shoal, a speedbump of mind, and getting stuck. Impact alone succeeds in knocking our moral compass out of its binnacle. Subsequently, our ship of state is unled. But enough about the world, let's consider me.

Norma has an envelope labeled "Money"--sure to foil burglars. It's for household expenses. She asked me to drop by the bank, while I do errands, to restock it for another month --or whenever this lockdown ends. She said, "Oh, and wear your gloves."

"I do." I said, but she wasn't finished. 

"Also", she said, "Governor Newsom says you should wear a mask."

I thought a moment and replied with a question. "I already wear rubber surgical gloves in public, but a mask? I have trouble with the idea of entering a bank with a mask on. Does our governor also want me to carry a black sack labeled LOOT?

I'll find out tomorrow if tellers can call me by name and smile or say,"Well, aren't you whoever you are?"

40 comments:

  1. Neither masks nor gloves are compulsory here but many people do wear them. Both are in short supply and hand-made adaptations are the rule - which makes for some arresting sights.
    Stay well, stay safe.

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    1. I must admit I'm aesthetically pleased by the creative variety of home-made masks. They're mainly useful in confining the wearers' own expectorations --certainly helpful, but our main shortage is in masks that actually protect us from the viruses of others.

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  2. When I was walking over the Victoria-Luise-Platz (the daughter of the last German Kaiser lived there) I saw the two children, 7 and 9, of my neighbours above. I was gloved and masked - but they recognised me at once - and shouted my name. So: I'm sure you' get your money (IF the banks work on - I am very cautious because my grandparents lost their money twice).

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    1. Dear Britta, I remember being a child recognizing grownups by the middle of their bodies --my eye-level-- and by how they stood and moved. I still use this method to find people in crowds, especially if they are somewhere ahead of me. I trust bank accounts are still insured, which should limit client-investment loss (or, maybe, at 70, I should start reading the tiny print!).

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  3. Presently, we can only access our bank via the drive-through window, so masks and loot bags are unnecessary.

    Many shoppers in Walmart have been wearing masks (which does wonders for unattractive faces). So far I haven't had the courage to wear a mask. It would make me feel even more ridiculous than I already am.

    I've heard on the news that cats can get this virus(!!!!). Should I encourage my cats to wear masks???

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    1. According to our vets, the virus cannot be caught and is unlikely to be transmitted by domestic animals, but cats would look cool in masks...

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    2. Dear Jon, there IS a protocol for masked robbers at the drive-through window. They drive up, pass the teller a bag labeled LOOT (or SWAG in UK), a revolver and a note instructing teller to "fill bag with money or shoot yourself". As to your closing question, I have cautioned my cats to stay out of Walmart.

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    3. Dear Lisa, your vet's opinion is echoed here every odd day, and withdrawn every even day. Nobody appears to be consistently sure. This is a complaint that touches nearly every facet of the contagion and it makes me tired. Really it's the same personal and household hygiene we've always practiced compounded with strictly indoor and outdoor shoes and lots of hand washing.

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    4. Ah, I've only been attending to the news on odd days... Common sense and soap are much better allies than any expert xx

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  4. For the past month, we only go out in our yard so we have not had to wear a mask. We have learned, though, how to make one out of cloth napkins but some of the patterns that I have which look nice on a table, could take on an ominous look if worn across the face when going into a bank.

    Stay home and stay safe, dear friend.

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    1. Dear Arleen, I have, in all my best, followed your counsel. My gloves darken when washed in soap and sanitizing gel. The most effective masks are charcoal-coated with a microbe-baffle. If this keeps up we'll all look like Darth Vader. You stay safe too, my friend.

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  5. People are going to find out that masks and gloves can help prevent disease, if used correctly. Pity the corrupted and ignorant governments don't take it seriously, and don't distribute them freely to the population.

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    1. I must agree, Duta. Even if humanitarian ethics do not impel some governments to protect their citizens, certainly the damage to their bases of tax revenue should give them pause to consider.

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  6. We can't get our hands on masks here so have been forced to make our own out of bandanas (no I did NOT mean bananas), coffee filters and hair ties. Try walking into a bank with a bandana over your face. No one wants to use cash here now...it's plastic please and thank you.

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    1. Dear Delores, Agreed. Much as I dread combining banking and bandanas, I still consider stuffing bananas in my nose a remote second choice. I too use mainly credit card. There is, however a little corner store near us that has Kleenex, toilet paper (sometimes) and wine. They like cash. I do wear gloves there and refer any change to their gasoline pump, so money changes hands only one way. Norma sprays down all purchases with alcohol at the back door. So far, so good.

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  7. Our banks are shut, and essential shops prefer cards, so cash has become temporarily worthless here. Already it is entirely unremarkable to go out gloved and masked, although the weather is hotting up and this attire is becoming less comfortable. Yesterday I went to the river for a nice calming swim - so lucky to be living rural!

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    1. Dear Lisa, You've got me wondering if whatever crawled out of the sea, and evolved into us, might have been human in the first place and crawled INTO water to escape a plague. Now, when shaving, I'll be checking my neck for gills.

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    2. Gills would always be a welcome find!

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  8. I hadn't thought about going to a bank with a mask on, but now it's all I CAN think about! Imagine a real thief being unable to convince the teller he's serious about a holdup . . .

    Good luck, Geo.! You made me smile today; thanks for that!

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    1. 0_Jenny, you're welcome --my pleasure and privilege.

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  9. LOL! I don't have an envelope labeled money, but I certainly have a small stash that any lazy thief could find. Fortunately it doesn't need to be replenished, because unfortunately I can't go out and spend it. You have a nice mask. I had to go to Target wearing a flour sack dishtowel tied around my face. Our governor had just said we needed to have our faces covered in public places. Only two other grocery shoppers had masks/covers, and I felt ridiculous. I returned on a hunt for eggs two days later and lots of people were covered by all kinds of odd things. It's easier when you don't stick out as ridiculous. It's a funny, strange world for sure. I won't comment on the occupant in the White House. I'm exhausted from the Canadian feedback I've been getting from my siblings. Stay safe and well, and let us know how the bank trip goes.

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    1. Dear Louise, bank trip went fine. Everybody distancing and tellers wore gloves. I just opened my wallet to where I have my account number and password --easy. Bank robbers have to write legible notes demanding specific amounts and show their guns. At which point an alarm goes off and a robotic voice shouts, "A diseased person has just sneezed!!!" and everybody runs away. They've got it covered, Louise. You stay safe and well too, deal?

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  10. I completely empathize with everything you are saying, Geo. Our nut job of a Governor (Wolf) here in Pennsylvania is treating both our citizens and the "essential" business like the one I work for in the medical field like he is little Hitler and sends his cronies to shut down EVERYONE and EVERYTHING here! We ARE taking every precaution but we as humans CAN NOT hibernate forever and runaway from life itself - people need to use their heads BUT also get a grip! This whole world has gotten so dehumanized as it is and this situation has only served to make it worse IMO. Take care, Geo. :-)

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    1. Dear m'Lady, you are quite right. I must agree that political over-reaction is ultimately counterproductive. The general guidelines for public commerce are easily complied with --social distancing, facial sneeze-catchers, gloves. What's so hard about gloves? I had my taxes done at H&R Block recently and my tax guy and I shared a shoulder-bump on my way out. Courtesy is still out there and we need to rely on it. In fact, I suspect we mainly need care and courtesy to get through this. You take care too, deal?

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  11. Perhaps Norma could print up a sign for you to pin to your chest: "Don't worry, bankerish friends, it's just Geo in his fetching mask. He means no harm." I'm sure that would protect you.

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    1. Bruce, I almost used a Sharpie pen to draw a cat nose and whiskers on my mask but decided there's no humor in a pandemic and didn't. I just hope the banks stay open --I've somehow never used an ATM-- and people can get back to their jobs in safety.

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  12. Indeed, how can you tell if someone is smiling behind a mask? Perhaps the eyes are clue, but if you are also wearing dark glasses, then we are void of our social cues.
    Strange time. Like scenes from a movie. Oh, if only we had leader who was a full human being, with a heart, even one like that the tin man got. And then of course he'd need a brain too...Perhaps Dr. Fauci could prescribe him to go see the Wizard and while he was away in a tailored straight jacket, we could be led by Mr. Mannequin. Yes, we are living in a strange film.

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    1. Our president has two facial expressions, Tom. His mouth goes from rictus to sphincter and back again and I have no idea what social cues he's transmitting. A mask would actually improve him in that regard. Dorothy's companions in Oz at least collectively possessed courage, heart and brains. Perhaps Dorothy's wizard could indeed set this "strange film" right.

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  13. Hi Geo, I just recently returned from the grocery store. As I walked around smiling at people, I had the same thought as Tom Cochrun...how can anyone tell I'm smiling? That made me pause for a moment. Should I not smile? Could I even do that? Am I assuming that everyone is smiling at me and they're not? It makes you think. If you're me it makes you overthink. Fortunately, I have a lot of eye wrinkles. I trust that they managed to convey my convivial-ness.

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    1. Caro Consigliere, I too have long-practiced eye-crinkles. accompanied by a slight nod acknowledging another's presence. It has increased with my geezerhood, mask or not. Ladies more often emit a "twinkle", which has the same effect enhanced by minor levitation. "Convivial-ness", yes it is a welcome skill in hard times, good times, all times.

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  14. Just make sure that you don't wear a black mask with a black hat, when you go into the bank!

    www.thepulpitandthepen.com

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    1. Dear Jeff, that is excellent fashion advice for everybody, not just bankrobbers, but does it mean I have to sell my long black getaway car too?

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  15. I've noticed in the few times i've gone into the grocery store lately that a lot more people are wearing masks, fewer are gloved up. Be sure you disinfect your gloves before removing, and was hands immediately after....sorry for the unasked for advise.
    Stay well and be safe, my friend.
    Mike

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    1. Advice well-taken, dear Mike. All my doctors' offices have been closed more than a month now but I can still (sort of) communicate with them via phone. Cardiologist set up a phone-appointment (yearly follow-up) last week. I waited 1/2 hour and stepped outdoors. Of course, that's when the call came. Fortunately we have an electrosphygmomanometer, pulse-oximeter, and other gadgets and I wrote down my vitals for Norma, who took the call. Dr. Singh noted these and asked Norma how I was doing, then rang off satisfied. So right now qualified medical advice is sketchy and I sure do appreciate yours.

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  16. Hi-ya. Just checking in to make sure you and Norma are doing okay in our strange new world. Even though our governor was one of the last to institute any kind of closings or stay-at-home policies, by golly, he sure managed to beat the crowd to the reopening part of the equation! We can now "safely" go out and get those "essential" tattoos, haircuts, facials, and massages. And go to the gym... even go bowling or to the movies! Yesterday, many restaurants re-opened. It's nuts! There was one restauranteur on the news talking about all the safety precautions she was taking at her business. The problem was, the face mask she was bragging about wearing didn't cover her nose... and it was secured so loosely, it flapped with every movement of her jaw. I can't say as it gave me a whole lot of confidence in the safety of her establishment. Not that we were planning on going out to eat. Or to get one of those oh-so essential tattoos. We're gonna stay hunkered down until conditions improve a whole heckuva lot more than what they are here at the present, and I trust that you and Norma will be doing the same. You take care, dude. (And dudette.)

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    1. Dear Susan, yes, Norma and I are definitely hunkered. Our kids work from their homes as much as possible. Nobody is taking this lightly. Our Gov. (Gavin Newsom) is worried about people crowding beaches on weekends. He warns, "This virus doesn't take weekends off." and doesn't foresee reopening schools before midsummer. I believe Gov. Newsom is representative of leaders who wish to give the world time to organize an acceptably effective treatment --not rush things or minimize the problem. Unfortunately there are some other administrators who are totally out of their depth, our president among them. And yes, "It's nuts" --and would appear that nuts is the new normal. I prefer the old nuts.

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    2. I prefer the old nuts, too. Yeah, a lot of the leaders are definitely out of their depth. The trouble is, they want to take us down with them. Take care. (Keep smiling!)

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  17. Geo!!! You are funny! 😷 <----- This is all I got. How do I look? It is always my pleasure. I need to come around more. I will, you know. And then you will need ear plugs and blinders to go with your mask. 😜 P.S. Someone is gone...through a portal. I am scared........

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    1. Dear S.T.V., you look great and I share your concern regarding the portal. Relief comes by degrees and we've had a welcome bit of that in the past 24 hours.

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