I call him Independent Squared, after his exponentially-great grandfather. He is training for The Rat Patrol. This is not the same patrol that pestered Rommel. Squared's operations will be confined to this property and surrounding fields.
Now don't get me wrong: I enjoy a major rat infestation as much as the next guy but lately it's needed adjustment. We must trust that reality leads outside our moving moment and can improve the future if we help. An example would be the next election.
Will Americans reelect a reality(?) tv personality who's solution to alopecia is a rear-whole-body, crotch-to-top, pubic comb-over? But on to important things. Squared is not alone:
I remember my own entry into adolescence quite well. It's discouraging to look into the mirror each morning and watch oneself turn into a monster. A similar climacteric comes with age, but I won't go into that --because I'd have to go lie down for a while.
What I'd rather do is concentrate on a new invention that has nothing to do with rats. I'd like the Home Movie Viewing experience to better approximate Commercial Theater Movies --maybe an affordable machine that kicks the back of your chair. On second thought, I will go lie down.
Didn't you once tell me you have a .22 with a flashlight taped on?
ReplyDeleteI did, Doc. But I haven't fired the thing in 35 years. I blame this current ratnado on California's ban on 2nd generation rat poisons. Mind you, I understand these strong anticoagulants are harmful to rat-predators and I don't use them, but rapid urban sprawl and littering have exacerbated the problem. We've bought 2 electronic traps that pour 7000 volts, high amperage, through the poor things and if that doesn't work, they can inherit the Earth.
DeleteDamn, remind me to not try to creep up to your house.....although, if you go into v-tach, try falling chest first onto one.....
DeleteDear Mike, my traps don't harm humans because they can't fit inside them. As to Ventricular tachycardia, I had one experience while still working as a gardener --225 bpm. Saw my 3rd shirt button bouncing. No I didn't really go flitting flower to flower like a hummingbird and have to be caught with a net. I was on a tractor. Hailed a campus monitor with an electric cart and he took me to an office phone. A friend-campus-administrator drove me to Emergency where they killed me with injections of Windex or something that hurt, then did the paddle thing which caused resurrection and two big burn marks on my chest--and arm bruises where they peeled me off the ceiling. If anybody creeps up on my house with v-tach, I recommend Emergency Hospital, slightly more effective than my rat traps.
DeleteSquared is absolutely precious! I must say I've never seen a rat that I would call precious. And the description of the rear-wholebody-crotch to top pubic comb over will have me laughing for a long time and every time I think about it. That is wonderful! You've earned a lie down!
ReplyDeleteTom, it was finally the only way I could figure out that hair-do. If inaccurate, I console myself in worse faux pas, like when Dean Martin carried Sammy Davis Jr. like a child on stage in Vegas and said, "I'd like to thank the Academy for this fine award." Yes, I saw this.
DeleteHave a good 'rest'.
ReplyDeleteDear Emma, I have been retired for 10 years. Nearly every day is a restful one now.
DeleteWow. You reminded me that I have been retired for ten years too. The time passed so quickly.
DeleteDear Emma, it's a whole new adventure. YOU KNOW I wish us both the best.
DeleteSquared and his siblings are oh so cute and doing an important job.
ReplyDeleteNeither of which are true about the comb-over guy.
I think I have to lie down now, too :) Salut, Geo.!
Jenny, I have found that if I touch or feed feral creatures --with the exception of supplying fresh water-- they lose something of their hunting value --it's hard sometimes, but I can still call them "pretty kitties". Salut mon amie!
DeleteLittle Independent Squared doesn't look as big as a rat! I just feel like picking him up and hugging him. However, maybe he'll turn into a teenaged monster ~ LOL. I have two new words tonight, thanks to you: alopecia and climacteric. Now, if I can just remember them.
ReplyDeleteOne of my blogging friends suggested that comb-over guy found his hair in a pet cemetery. I couldn't believe Americans elected him the first time.
Have you been to a movie theatre lately? The theaters near me have paired, reclining chairs with a snack-holding table between the chairs. You can buy beer and cocktails to sip while you're watching the movie. A couple of glasses of wine while reclining in the dark, and I'd need a driver to take me home. It makes me miss my chair being kicked.
Good luck to the Rat Patrol Trio as they tackle the rats. The three of them are too cute! Maybe they can sweet talk the rats into leaving your land.
Dear Louise, I sure hope the new Rat Patrol can develop powers of persuasion, but they are sovereign souls --pre-programmed by Nature to their instinctive pursuits. Cute does not work on rats.
DeleteWhat a wonderful, funny description of the comb over stable genius.
ReplyDeleteIt will take more than a few kitties to get rid of herr rat. It will take a lion(ess) and about 20 members of another’s pride (if they have any) to rid ourselves of this vermin. God help us all; it is going to be bloody.
Dear Arleen, we desperately need leaders committed to government by discussion. Missed our chance in 2016 because we still went by Electoral College instead of Popular Vote. There's much to do.
DeleteWhat we need, dear Geo., are some very big Rat Patroling cats in Congress. I fear the ones there now are too small but "we'll see."
ReplyDeleteDear Bruce, There are several (pardon the expression) on the loose right now --keeping their identities under wraps. Their coaches have kept their names secret and that should protect them until they testify. They may be "too small", but they're ready to rumble --and courage comes in all sizes.
Delete