Here is a picture of a man. He is nearly 63 years old. He is on a big adventure to find his shadow but is walking in the wrong direction. Why is he doing that? Why is he doing that on a hot September day in California? He is in training.
He is in training for politics because it is a goddawful political year, full of upheavals, downheaveals and unilateral global heavals, but he doesn't care about that. This is important. He wants to become Lieutenant Governor of Wyoming. Why? Because he is currently Lieutenant Governor of Arizona and hates the Capitol Building:
That is why he lives in California. Yes, it's still dry here and he despairs of his yard but politics is a strange bedfellow and he prefers to live with his wife who says, "so is he because he steals all the covers". But more importantly, he braves the inclemency of the Golden State. In his words: "Those other two states, much as I love them and dedicate my political life to them, are just gravel."
No other Lieutenant Governor of either state has given a kinder description of them.
Why is our candidate special? First off, he was a prime athlete who attended several prestigious central California community colleges on a full Cockfighting Scholarship. He became class president through a series of debates, tontine inheritances and the slogan, "A lifeboat under every davit!". His platform consisted of fierce promises to clean up campus lavatories --which really needed it-- expressed as , "a vote for me is a vote for sanity", a word he still confuses with sanitation. He also perfected a directive that thematized his subsequent public life: "If we cannot progress singly, let us escape severally. You guys go first!"
There are some who say the office, to which our candidate aspires, holds no real power. In rebuttal, one can only point out the contributions of Lieutenant Governors in Arizona, Maine, Oregon, West Virginia, Puerto Rico and, of course, Wyoming. If you would like to impress alumni at your high school reunion by claiming to be a Lieutenant Governor, make sure it's one of those six places. Other states and territories actually have that office.
Oh, and I have dibs on Wyoming.