Mind: each dream, in agony and dissequence, has the moment and forever in it. We wake, and when we wake it is between never and always, where mind combines our days.
I think of Elizabeth Cady Stanton: "Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice." Is it? I wonder in delirium --are they disconnected or just toppled on each other?
In the 1960s I made a project of touring the contiguous 48 states of my country. I had visions of children chained to their anvils pounding recycled plastic into cellophane. But then the opiates kick in.
I think of Julia Roberts, and that other actor who is also Julia Roberts --uh-----Sandra Bullock. Yes, convalescence is strange. I remember Nikita Khrushchev, "Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!!!" Remember the shoe? I remember the shoe. Nice shoe.
I wake a little. Stopped taking hydrocodone last night. Don't know why Dr. thought clogging up my digestive tract would be helpful. If I'd told him I was having contractions he doubtless would have prescribed a bottle of apostrophes.
My pain is definable only by those who suffer it, not by those who don't, so there's no point defining it. My solution? Never suffer.
At a seminar on chronic pain the presentered told us that pain impacts on every aspect of life (and obviously expected us to be amazed at their wisdom. Pain outsucks any Dyson appliance doesn't it? I hope yours eases quickly.
ReplyDeleteThanks EC. As my first responder (to a peevish post) I especially appreciate your comment. Your seminar speaker was quite accurate, pain hurts. Surgeon told me yesterday that I'll be improved next week. Strangely, I refrained from saying I've wished that every week of my life.
DeleteWhen I was young (or younger...) I had emotional pain. Now I have emotional pain compounded by physical pain. Life is a Bitch but we learn to endure. And eventually we become masters at it.
ReplyDeleteBTW-
Sandra Bullock is better looking than Julia Roberts - and has a smaller mouth.
Take care Geo - and, if at all possible - have a speedy recuperation.
Dear Jon, I would apologize to Bullock or Roberts if I could tell which is which --working on it. Working on unconsciousness now, which might make me president some day --or at least a honkable driver -- like those ones that wait until the light is really really green enough to go.
DeleteIt's easy to remember Khruschev because of that stupid shoe incident. Not many will remember him for his deep pain after political power was taken away from him and he plunged into long,painful depression ended by a heart attack.
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago, I visited his tombstone at the Novodevichi cemetery in Moscow.
I was not familiar with Khruschev's detailed biography, and at the cemetery I learnt that he had a son, a pilot, who had predeceased him. So, it occured to me that maybe his depression wasn't because of political power loss, but because of the fact that only then did he realize what his real loss in life was - that of his son. As a russian and a politician he probably couldn't even allow himself to mourn for his son.
Hope you feel better soon.
You are doubtless right, DUTA. Although the shoe speech fixed Mr. Khruschev permanently in the public eye, it was very likely personal loss that hastened his decline.
DeleteWhen you did not post last week,Geo, I wondered if you were not feeling well. I am so sorry to read that was the case. “You will feel better next week” are words to cling to as you go through the difficult time of recovery. The days are hard and long with pain but I hope that today is better than yesterday and tomorrow even better. Take care, dear friend and follow the doctor’s orders.
ReplyDeleteI am following doctor's orders and being very good, Arleen. Hoping the coming week brings good news.
DeleteUsually one can be on hydrocodone for up to two weeks without issues upon stopping. Constipation is common and there are things one can do, hydrate, etc. I'm assuming abdominal surgery? If you can, move around as much as possible, clots, etc. Good luck, pal.
ReplyDeleteMike
Thanks Mike. So far so good. The constipation effect is what made me quit hydrocodone after 3 days. Then I used an otc lax and found out something no man should ever know --exactly how full of shit he can be. Using aspirin and pinot noir now.
DeleteSo sorry to hear you are suffering...pain is the pits...drugs are the pits....here's hoping you are free of both very very soon. (in spite of the pain you remain very eloquent)
ReplyDeleteThank you, kind Delores. It IS a little hard to concentrate when there's no comfortable position to do it in.
DeleteYour solution is ideal. Unfortunately it is not realistic. Please feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, as you say, some suffering is unavoidable. As to feeling better, I shall in all my best obey you.
DeleteAh, Geo, I have close kin who say "gimmee the drugs" but there are side effects. I hope you're feeling better (if not Sandra Bullock) soon.
ReplyDeleteMost encouraging, dear Bruce. Thanks. I will try to balance pain meds with Sandra Bullock and not become a side-effect.
DeleteI thought your absence from the blogosphere reflected a simple dearth of words, so it is alarming to find you have been under the knife. You are as eloquent and entertaining as ever, so they clearly did not remove your thinker or your funny bone. Sending extra-strength good wishes for a steady and full recovery, with a minimum of pain. Take care, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenny. I'm in the thick of it right now and will remain there a while. Sure appreciate your good wishes, and you. Didn't know there was an Extra-Strength you but glad to learn there is.
DeleteGeo- your post is courageous and illuminating. Your comment about a dream having the moment and forever in it is a wonderful and profound gem.
ReplyDeleteRebounding from illness is always a challenge and compounded by medications. The best I can do is say that I am sorry and that I wish you improving health and wellness.
"...improving health and wellness." I am in favor of that. Thanks, Tom. I'm doing my best.
DeleteA gritty post. Wishing you well.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tom. Gritty is as gritty does. I will avoid where gritty was.
DeleteOh, and I was off with a chest infection - what a wimp I seem now! Surgery is not my favourite thing, but it can fix broken bits. Opiates I dislike as I find they sort of lie to you. Pinot Noir, I like. Your blogging, I like. And thoroughly encourage your recovery xx
ReplyDeleteDear Lisa, thanks for your vote of encouragement. In return, I am most pleased with your respiratory recovery and heartily approve of our continued good health.
DeleteHang in there, dude. Pain makes is difficult to think, and then they give you opiates on top of it. I'm amazed your thoughts are so lucid. I'm sorry to hear about the continuing pain. May it leave quickly. Be well.
ReplyDeleteThanks dear Susan. It is my determined plan to "Be Well". You're right about opiates --they don't just clog up my lower tract. They clog up the upper head tract too. I'm using aspirin and pinot noir now. However, corner tobacco store owner was setting up a display of marijuana recently and sadly told me I couldn't get any with an insurance copay. So I'll stick with aspirin.
DeleteI thought the magical herb was legal there?
DeleteIt's legal recreationally now, but still costs money.
DeleteDarn! How inconsiderate. :)
DeleteI do hope that you're starting to feel better, Geo! I'm wishing you a full recovery asap! Especially relief from pain, which can be all encompassing. Chronic pain is no fun, and unless you have experienced it, it's hard to understand what a person experiencing bad pain is enduring.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of pinot noir. I'd have to double dose though, because I can't take aspirin. Sometimes playing compelling music loudly over and over has helped me. My Dad swore by a good slug of Scotch and diving under a thick pile of blankets. My first husband, who was a quadriplegic, swore by marijuana. It was the only thing that could stop his pain when it flared. Take care, my friend.
Suggestions duly noted and catalogued for trial, Louise. Frankly, your dad's method sounds most sensible to me. However, whisky makes my feet hot, which is uncomfortable in bed.
Delete[Louise, there was another comment from you that disappeared when I clicked "publish". Sorry, can't seem to find it again.]
DeleteIt might have been my comment on Norma and her thunder video. I found the video quite intense to watch for I was waiting for the big boom! That post made me laugh. Personally I love thunder and lightening which is good because we get lots of wild storms here. I hope, day by day, that you're feeling stronger and more like your normal self.
Delete