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Monday, December 16, 2013

Lesser-Known Christmas Stories, Part One


Once upon a time there was a boy named Alexander The Great. His parents, Mr. and Mrs. The Great, decided it would be a good idea to move to Macedonia.  Young Alexander would have to go to a new school. He was worried. His parents assured him he would make new friends if he was polite and exchanged names with other kids right away. Alexander was afraid his surname would complicate these introductions but he tried.

"Hey, new kid," he was asked. "Who do you think you are?"

"Alexander."

They crowded closer. "Alexander what?"

"Alexander...uh...The Great." He replied, and was promptly beaten up.

Alexander went home and asked his mother how long it was until Christmas break. Since the year was 350 BC, she told him it'd be quite a while, but she'd take him to see the still-Pagan Santa when they went shopping in December. So he endured the beatings and dirty looks from his peers for some months.

Finally, Mrs. The Great went holiday shopping and placed little Alexander on the department store Santa's knee. Santa said: "Ho ho ho! What do you want under the tree this year?"

"I want an army. A big army!!!"

Since Alexander had been a good boy all year, his return to school was well-rewarded. Bullies converged upon him and taunted him. He warned them to stop or he'd beat them up.

"Oh yeah, Alexander The Great NOT , you'n what army?"

"That one." Said Alexander as  the thunderous clatter of arms and hooves built up behind him. The rest is history. History carried the surname: Antiochus The Great; Pompey The great; Ashoka The Great; Catherine The Great; Peter The Great.

It was not until 1925 that the family name was legally changed to Gatsby.


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16 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 16, 2013 at 5:40 PM

    A bit of a problem name for sure.

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    1. Geo.December 17, 2013 at 5:03 PM

      All names are tease-able in grammar school. I now only use three letters of mine.

      Delete
  2. Starting Over, Accepting Changes - MaybeDecember 16, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    I love your history, Geo, it is so much more interesting.

    I heard that Alex liked to travel, and met his doom on a Carnival cruise ship.

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    1. Geo.December 17, 2013 at 5:06 PM

      Thanks, Arleen. I think one of the ship's stewards poisoned him too.

      Delete
  3. Elephant's ChildDecember 16, 2013 at 7:59 PM

    Big, big smiles. Santa of those days rewarded virture fairly comprehensively didn't he? Does using the gift remove you from the nice list for next year though?

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    1. Geo.December 17, 2013 at 5:15 PM

      I don't know. Certainly the gifts were a lot more lavish before the New Testament. Unfortunately, so were the punishments. Alex just got lucky, I guess.

      Delete
  4. JonDecember 16, 2013 at 9:43 PM

    Geo, you've outdone yourself this time. The story is not only about a Great, it also IS great (somehow that doesn't sound right, but I meant well).

    I predict that it will eventually become a Christmas classic, right up with the ranks of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol".
    I have Great Expectations..........(*smile*)

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    1. Geo.December 17, 2013 at 5:36 PM

      Thanks, Jon, most kind. Your generous estimate of my storytelling powers has inspired me to attempt another. I must put my whole mind to it. Maybe with the devil in it eh?

      Delete
  5. Optimistic ExistentialistDecember 17, 2013 at 5:15 AM

    Lesson here - don't bully :)

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  6. TomDecember 17, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    Well for heavens' sakes, I didn't know all that about "The Great's". My history knowledge is sadly deficient. And BC stands for Before Christmas? Well I never....

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    1. Geo.December 17, 2013 at 5:45 PM

      Well, there was the 1st Christmas, of course, but who knows how long 'til the 2nd one? No mention in N.T. of the Magi coming back saying, "So what's He need this year? Can he walk yet?" It's an enigma.

      Delete
  7. Susan KaneDecember 17, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    Your version of Alexander the great is much more entertaining. Gatsby? Well, they both were ruthless.

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    1. Geo.December 17, 2013 at 5:49 PM

      Thanks, Susan. True, we should always avoid guys who add "The Great" to their names after 3rd grade.

      Delete
  8. Remembering GraceDecember 18, 2013 at 3:22 AM

    I like this history lesson much better!

    ReplyDelete

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