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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Truth And The Future Of Spray Cheese

This blog deals with enigmas. Umberto Eco believes the whole world is an enigma, "a harmless enigma made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." Professore Eco's area of expertise is semiotics.

Semiotics is a branch of philosophy concerned with the study of signs, metaphor, the processes and mechanics of symbolism. My own studies have led me to close examination of the mind, the psychic construct composed of ego, super-ego and id. With special emphasis on the latter apparatus, the id, I have entered the field of idiotics. However, sometimes, what with mowing, plowing, harrowing and tantrums to be done, I just enter the field and do that.

This is one of those points at which Professore Eco's semiotic theories and my idiotic ones diverge. I believe he is fundamentally correct, but has neglected to consider cheese. Cheese began as bulky solid bricks and, by and by, was made slice-able, then  gelatinous and spreadable. Then came aerosol cheese which shoots out as a viscous liquid accompanied by yellow mist. It has transcended the three states of matter on a commercial level, but it wants to be further rarefied and there remains only one possibility --pure energy.

The energy-signature of cheese, its wavelength, has yet to be determined. Researchers in semiotics and idiotics alike have left the infinite frequency-possibilities of wave propagation undisputed.  What does it mean?
It means that soon, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and for the rest of our lives, cheese will be transmitted to cell phones all over the world --maybe all over the universe, the final frontier! If that doesn't qualify cheese as an "underlying truth" then I give up.

I like cheese, and when I got up this Sunday morning and typed in the title of my sermon, I had no idea the subject would clear the early blur and undergo clarifying installments throughout the day.

I went out and did  other things, but something always called me back to this table to complete the projection. It is a strong indication of a further aspect of the subject, the cosmic spirit of cheese, which semioticist and idioticist are both happy to leave to the theologians.

Go in peace.


  1. My wife works in the cheese industry - no joke. She also loves Eco. I think she may need to read this...

  2. And my education continues. I found out about string cheese this week, and now you tell me about spray cheese.
    I am obviously very ignorant. But learning. And happy to do so.

  3. I love cheese. Solid, traditional cheese. I've heard of spray cheese, of course, but never had an urge to indulge. I prefer to wait until it shows up on (in?) my cell phone.

    You have my ultimate respect and admiration for being able to write something so intricately informative and amusing upon first waking up on a Sunday morning. I couldn't do as much in an entire week......

  4. I never thought about the possibilities of spray cheese being the next step to cheese-as-energy. Wow. I just thought it was really good to eat on crackers.

  5. Hmmmm, something just seems so....wrong about spray cheese. Just doesn't seem right! String cheese however I can accept :)

  6. Clearly, as you show here, the cheese stands alone!

  7. It would be a Gouda day when I can get cheese from my cell phone.

  8. Thoughts of cheese.....
    I'll have some please
    but ,
    not to pick a bone,
    I'd prefer, NOT through my cell phone.

    Honestly...I'd love a guided tour through the hallowed halls of your brain.

  9. Funny, I just had a piece of cheese with a piece of toast,
    Extra sharp cheddar cheese :)

    You are totally amusing, thanks for the Monday morning chuckle, Geo.

  10. 'With special emphasis on the latter apparatus, the id, I have entered the field of idiotics.'

    The best laugh, so true.

    Love the Normaphoto. I think this may be one of your best, most subtle posts yet.

    :) :) :)

  11. Energy cheese. I'm in. But I still prefer it the normal way.

    It's been a loooonnnng time since I've read Eco. My reading changed when I had kids. Now I can only read things that are simple and can be read in 30 second increments. Someday I hope to get my brain back.

  12. I can't get past the shuddering from the thought of liquid cheese.

  13. I got a paragraph in and realized I'm going to have to come back when I have more time and my brain is awake. Spray cheese physics requires a little more concentration. I'll be back.

  14. Jeez, what a cheesy post, dude!

    Really, is there anything that isn't better with a little added cheese? (Or cheese that isn't better with a little bit of added jalapenos?) Um, yeah. I believe I'll pass on chemical laden spray cheese-like substances. Don't want it coming out of my phone, either. All I have is an old-fashioned landline, and it'd be a huge mess to clean out of those little holes.

  15. I do hope they never discover the neurotransmitter switch that cures your brain anomaly. The world would have less entertainment value.

    Had I known this earlier, I would have majored in idiotics in college. Wait a second...maybe I did....

  16. Oh man, I'm going to have to upgrade my service plan AGAIN???


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