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Thursday, November 1, 2012

My Scary Halloween Story!

Saturday morning I woke from a nightmare in which my brother Frank appeared to me and announced he'd been replaced by the Euro. Before evaporating, he remarked I looked feverish and ought to drink plenty of fluids. I rose to a weekend in the throes of a virus. After all the nostologic problems I have dealt with this summer and fall I was eager to undertake a normal illness, but this was a rhino-virus and I did not want a big horn growing on my nose --not again, anyway. It promised to be a virus from hell so, like most guys, I tried to ignore it. I coughed a little. I refrained from smoking my pipe. I drank beer.

Sunday I coughed a lot. I had chills. I got afraid of my bed. My brother reentered my delirium and said I had nose horns. I asked why he thought that was and he said, "This is a world that operates largely by coincidences, yet we must mistrust all of them." Then he rose through the ceiling, which is really just showing off. I got up and sat at the kitchen table all night long, reading Bertrand Russell and running out of beer. By 8:30 a.m. I was on the phone to Dr. Lee, my GP for 15 years who, for some supernatural reason, still looks 12-years old. He's 10 minutes down the road.

Dr. Lee prescribed a huge bottle of codeine cough syrup. It worked fine, suppresses the cough reflex.  I slept Monday night and had a healthy appetite the next day. What escaped me until later was codeine also suppresses other reflexes further down. So Tuesday I quit taking it. Now it is late Wednesday night and I have learned something no man is really meant to know: how full of poop I really am.

It has been a frightening Halloween. Norma cut this year's Jack-o-lantern out of construction paper and I drew a face that, despite the fact that my wife has begun coughing this evening, I hope expresses some cautious optimism. Best Halloween wishes to all.


  1. This was the most unusal (not to mention amusing) Halloween story I've read in a long time. There were some genuine scary parts - - like reading Bertrand Russell and running out of beer.

    I'm unfamiliar with the effects of codeine, but anything that can suppress a hacking cough is bound to inadvertently suppress other things in other regions.

    I like the jack-o-lantern. Cautious optimism is good.

  2. Well that sounds like a miserable bug and those visitations from your brother will keep you from falling asleep for a month.

  3. Happy Halloween Geo. I like the look on the pumpkins face. I trust you are now recovered and that Norma doesn't suffer as badly as you have.

  4. Sounds like an extreme case of tricks and treatment!

  5. Honestly, is there anything beer and hallucinations can't fix?

    Sorry to hear about the reintroduction of your horn. These things happen.

    (Hope you're feeling better today.)


  6. Sounds like you had an interesting Halloween for sure sir!! I really like this blog BTW.

  7. Thank you all for your comments and kindness. I have reviewed my mortal remains and report they are improving.

  8. I'm glad you're all better! Going thru the rest of life in a sort of acid trip by fever isn't for us, at this age. But it does make for some funny storytelling. :)

  9. I hope you'll forgive me for laughing out loud at the story of your miseries. Poor thing. I hope you're feeling better now. (And hope your bride doesn't get sick.)


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