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Thursday, November 1, 2012

My Scary Halloween Story!


Saturday morning I woke from a nightmare in which my brother Frank appeared to me and announced he'd been replaced by the Euro. Before evaporating, he remarked I looked feverish and ought to drink plenty of fluids. I rose to a weekend in the throes of a virus. After all the nostologic problems I have dealt with this summer and fall I was eager to undertake a normal illness, but this was a rhino-virus and I did not want a big horn growing on my nose --not again, anyway. It promised to be a virus from hell so, like most guys, I tried to ignore it. I coughed a little. I refrained from smoking my pipe. I drank beer.

Sunday I coughed a lot. I had chills. I got afraid of my bed. My brother reentered my delirium and said I had nose horns. I asked why he thought that was and he said, "This is a world that operates largely by coincidences, yet we must mistrust all of them." Then he rose through the ceiling, which is really just showing off. I got up and sat at the kitchen table all night long, reading Bertrand Russell and running out of beer. By 8:30 a.m. I was on the phone to Dr. Lee, my GP for 15 years who, for some supernatural reason, still looks 12-years old. He's 10 minutes down the road.


Dr. Lee prescribed a huge bottle of codeine cough syrup. It worked fine, suppresses the cough reflex.  I slept Monday night and had a healthy appetite the next day. What escaped me until later was codeine also suppresses other reflexes further down. So Tuesday I quit taking it. Now it is late Wednesday night and I have learned something no man is really meant to know: how full of poop I really am.

It has been a frightening Halloween. Norma cut this year's Jack-o-lantern out of construction paper and I drew a face that, despite the fact that my wife has begun coughing this evening, I hope expresses some cautious optimism. Best Halloween wishes to all.


9 comments:

  1. This was the most unusal (not to mention amusing) Halloween story I've read in a long time. There were some genuine scary parts - - like reading Bertrand Russell and running out of beer.

    I'm unfamiliar with the effects of codeine, but anything that can suppress a hacking cough is bound to inadvertently suppress other things in other regions.

    I like the jack-o-lantern. Cautious optimism is good.

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  2. Well that sounds like a miserable bug and those visitations from your brother will keep you from falling asleep for a month.

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  3. Happy Halloween Geo. I like the look on the pumpkins face. I trust you are now recovered and that Norma doesn't suffer as badly as you have.

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  4. Sounds like an extreme case of tricks and treatment!

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  5. Honestly, is there anything beer and hallucinations can't fix?

    Sorry to hear about the reintroduction of your horn. These things happen.

    (Hope you're feeling better today.)

    Pearl

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  6. Sounds like you had an interesting Halloween for sure sir!! I really like this blog BTW.

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  7. Thank you all for your comments and kindness. I have reviewed my mortal remains and report they are improving.

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  8. I'm glad you're all better! Going thru the rest of life in a sort of acid trip by fever isn't for us, at this age. But it does make for some funny storytelling. :)

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  9. I hope you'll forgive me for laughing out loud at the story of your miseries. Poor thing. I hope you're feeling better now. (And hope your bride doesn't get sick.)

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