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Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Exposé Memoir!

Today is the closing day of February, a march in time. It is probably a good idea to write down some account of my memories and learning experiences from youth before they become vague and distorted. 

I went to high school a very very long time ago. Here is a photo of me running track. Earth had cooled; I was in good shape.

By the time I evolved into a mammal (puberty) I realized I had to stop eating slower creatures and consider a career.  I consulted a certified school career counselor who said, "Find a job you don't mind too much and everything will fall into place." 

My first job was cleaning teeth off the dance floor at the Coconut Grove Hall on Sunday mornings. Strangely, I tired of this and decided to go back to school --knowing I could never again believably disarm my enemies by shaking my fisted claw and roaring, "You can't insult me. I'm too damned ignorant!"

I began to learn, "He that troubles his own house shall inherit the wind (Proverbs, Ch 11, v 9)." This meant 2 things to me: strife in the home causes indigestion; indigestion causes wind.  By and by, extrapolation is inevitable: It is better for domestic life to go down the commode than back up out of it. I also learned what that little valve left of the pedestal is for!

I read. I read Westerns and learned what "drygulched" meant  --ambushed from above. Hoodwinked meant you could cry "Zounds, I've been hoodwinked!", which is sort of fun. But "hornswoggled" just sounded so pleasant to me, I'm not sure I'd mind. I am indebted, for much of my education, to Zane Grey --and to Norma, who took these photos in the woody end of our yard;
And under the trees I planted:
Beyond these cerebral enshrinements, there are numbers, 3 come to mind --BP, Cholesterol, Telephone-- that we should not forget. I have also found it useful to remember the answer to questions like this: In a leap-year, how many months contain 29 days? 

All of them.


35 comments:

  1. You've cleaned up a lot since High School!

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    1. True, Sage. Gym showers were much less violent after my big leathery tail fell off.

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  2. Ah yes, cleaning teeth up off the dancefloor. We've all had that job at one point.

    If you'd still had wings, you could have flown away from it.

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    1. Tempis fugit, Harry, and so did I.

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  3. Tomorrow is the opening day of March so we can march in time beginning tomorrow. Puberty was good for you.

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    1. Dear Emma, it still didn't make me more aware of the calendar. But with help, I'm working on it!

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  4. I was wondering about that "closing day of March" and thinking "this is a man for the future, or, of the future, or something."

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  5. It seems incomprehensible that anyone could get through life without saying, "Zounds, I've been hoodwinked!"

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    1. It does, doesn't it, Tom? It's the kind of exclamation one needs to wear a tie for.

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  6. Have just picked myself a bunch of daffodils - stems were frozen but the flowers survived. Earth has cooled a lot here but I don't fancy any track running today. Also once the tail falls off one feels less balanced, I find.
    Hornswaggling you could think of as story telling, I suppose, that would be pleasantly forgivable. To write is to be capable of tricking :-)

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    1. Each daffodil echoes the universe in explosion, Lisa. We're all dust from the same flower.

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  7. I'm kinda' glad you evolved into a mammal. I wouldn't have wanted to meet you in your 'pre-puberty' condition. You've made some great memories since then....here's hoping you (an me too) don't get all fuzzy headed and forget about them.

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    1. We'll keep our heads clear and our hands busy, ok Delores? Or is it the other way 'round?

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  8. Smiling away to myself, Geo. So many good lines. An image comes to mind of a bumper car careening in all directions, including reverse :) Please don't ever grow up TOO much.

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    1. Bumper cars in convoy, Jenny. "Second star on the right and straight on 'til morning."--Peter Pan

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  9. It’s March 1 now. Today, a woman said it was her birthday today. I didn’t think to ask until it was too late if March 1 is her day or, perhaps, is it February 29?

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    1. Well, let's calculate: I am 68, but had I been born on a Leap Year, 2/29, I'd have only had 17 birthdays. That's somewhat fewer than I would have if dates were calculated in Celsius instead of Fahrenheit.

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  10. Geo, thanks for this great post. It leaves me smiling, feeling happy and even a bit younger! How did that happen?

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    1. I don't know, Tom, but I'm glad it had that effect. If you nail it down, let's carbonate it and sell it!

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  11. I don't know how I initially missed this post, but I seem to be missing more and more things lately. That dinosaur looks like it came from my high school yearbook.

    Looking back at my life, I think "hoodwinked" is the key word...

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    1. Jon, Compared to what kids go through now, our high school days were pretty mild --if we were fed on time.

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  12. Dear Geo.,
    you made me laugh a lot! I looked back on my youth from an entirely new perspective - and after that I decided to buy a tie tomorrow to be able to say "Zounds! I have been hoodwinked!" Eat least once in my life (same for the tie, come to think of it). In Germany you will not find many persons who know who Zane Grey is - but as you and I have a lot in common: I do, ha.
    As to the question about the 29 days: surprising, :-) , but - yes (haha, reminds me of "What is heavier? A kilogram iron or a kilogram feathers?" "Feathers, of .. co..ur..se...)
    And: every woman might think herself incredibly young if she was born in a leap-year - on no bookshelf I saw a self-help-book about "Anti-aging" giving this incredibly effective tip! (Am in dire need for an eraser to change the date on my passport!)

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    1. Thank you, my dear Brigitta, for this wonderful comment. I shall now toddle (yes, sometimes I toddle) off to bed with a smile. You are exceptional!

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  13. You were certainly in fine form when you wrote this post, dude. The twists and turns of your mind always make for enjoyable reading. Tell ya what, some days I DO feel like a dinosaur... :)

    My father had the entire set of Zane Grey books. They once belonged to his father, and Pop (my grandfather) built a cool wooden bookcase just for those books. Both sides of it had a profile of an Indian wearing full headdress, which my grandmother painted it. I'm ashamed to say, when my father died and my hubby and I were tasked with clearing out his entire house and selling it, I gave that bookcase and all of the books to a neighbor, whose son is a book collector. (sigh) There was just so much stuff to deal with... especially with us living in a different state.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. I know something of the feelings that attend clearing out a house full of books. My parents had an extensive collection, many volumes centuries old. We sold as many as we could to dealers and collectors --adding the proceeds to the general estate-- and donated many many more to public library sales. Main thing was to get these treasures back into circulation among people who would treasure them in turn. It was rough to see these old bookfriends go, but rewarding.

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  14. Thank you so much, I needed a laugh today. Nothing like staying cheerful in the teeth of adversity. Yours is a very active imagination, something I seem to have lost over the last two years.

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    1. Dear Friko. To have furnished a laugh to you is an honor to me. Your strength has provided a treasured example. The imagination suffers, yes, but returns like a melody --far off at first, but draws closer. It will find us. It will find you.

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    2. "We are all dust from the same flower." True. And how I wish I'd said it first :-)

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    3. Dylan, the phrase is based on something similar that dates back over 1000 years among the Sufis. It is a metaphor with a life of its own. Use it as you wish.

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  15. Geo...trite of me to bring it up, but isn't it 'memoir', not 'memior'? A small point to be sure.
    Listening tonight to Cooder's production of Buena Vista Social Club

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    1. Dear Mike, You're absolutely right! I can only attribute my error to that "Old MacDonald" song learned so long ago --"ei ei o". The elementary school repair of "i before e except after c" doesn't address "O" at all. Will make correction forthwith.

      P.s.: My lifelong friend moved house from Santa Cruz to Sonoma's Buena Vista Mobile Home Park and joined their social club named --you guessed it!

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  16. "This meant 2 things to me: strife in the home causes indigestion; indigestion causes wind. By and by, extrapolation is inevitable:" Geo quotes like this are just one of the reasons I love you so.

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    1. I love you too. I have always loved chickens, and have measureless respect for their consiglieres.

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