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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Brain Waves!

Those kind readers who followed my recent sermon are familiar with the grumpy barncat in its concluding Normaphoto.
Grumpy Barncat has moved on and his post has been assumed by another. I call this one Oblivious Barncat.
Oblivious Barncat never opens its eyes. Its job is to generate Theta Waves with its brain. Theta Waves indicate the state of very deep relaxation of hypnosis and Dream Sleep. Brain waves are slowed to a frequency of 4-7 Hertz (cycles per second). Cat brains are about 1/40th the size of human brains so they might be easier to relax. Conversely, this theory accords each human skull an equivalent of 40 cat-brains, and all they do is fight in there so we'll dismiss that notion and proceed to a graph.

Above is a very accurate recorded signature of a Theta wave. It was accomplished by plotting the path of a cat (from point A to point A') and reducing its directional convolutions to a Hertzian framework of one second. It is also an accurate positional graph of a man my age looking for  his car keys or of a housefly's attention span. I must go lie down now.



23 comments:

  1. In my next life I wish to become a cat. Preferably one of mine so that my whims receive the attention they warrant.
    And lying down sounds a most excellent plan - perfected (of course) by moggies. Particularly Oblivious Barnmoggy and his relatives.

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    1. True. Lying down is among the most important activities I've learned from animals and cats are excellent teachers.

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  2. Okay, when I first read this my initial thought was that I had never heard of a Theta Wave. Then - miraculously - my failing memory was jogged and I remembered an article that I published LONG ago about insomnia, in which I actually mentioned something about Theta Waves (I'm not kidding).
    Admittedly I didn't understand them then.......and twenty years later I still don't understand them. But I appreciate the memory jog.

    And your last two sentences had me laughing.

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    1. There is much to learn about Theta Waves and I have progressed to where I can distinguish them from Permanent Waves and Tsunamis. Am saving my allowance to buy more sensitive equipment.

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  3. why do my houseflies always seem to have longer attention spans which they are bent on driving me nuts?

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    1. Yes, they get indoors, then ram at windows to get out. I suspect houseflies don't really know what they want and shouldn't be consulted about long-term goals.

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  4. My brain is waving back. I hope you didn't miss it.

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    1. Love the idea about brains waving to each other! Hadn't considered it but will now.

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  5. The cats brain may be 1/40th that of a humans but they use the whole thing to control us. If every person in power on this planet had a cat ruling his/her life they would be far too busy to start wars. I'm feeling very relaxed now so I think I'll just take one of those 'oblivion moments' myself.

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    1. Agreed. World leaders wouldn't start wars but might climb on fences at night and call each other awful names in high, yowling voices. Maybe they already do.

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  6. My brain no longer waves; it just sort of sputters along.

    I once knew a girl named Theta or maybe it was Theda. We called her Trudy. I can't remember why.

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    1. A common and harmless misnomer, Theta Wave is very close in frequency and amplitude to the Trudy Wave.

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    2. Gosh Geo, you make me laugh so much and that is a good thing.

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    3. My pleasure, Arleen, and a staple of my survival.

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  7. Oblivious Barncat looks startlingly like our most recent addition to our feline herd, and also just like Pearl's Liza Bean Bitey. I'm starting to think cats - particularly this exact colouration of cat - really ARE taking over the world. We need to start a databank on these guys and form a world-wide committee to study the data.

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    1. Oblivious Barncat may indeed be related to the Minneapolis Biteys. When he wakes up I'll ask.

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  8. You had me smiling through most of this, but the last couple sentences made me laugh out loud.

    It is astounding how many hours a day our cats can sleep. When they want to, that is. When my hubby or I try to do something better done without the "help" of a cat, that serves as their cue to come running. It would be nice if we could generate more of those theta waves, and it'd be even nicer if our cats stayed asleep while we were generating them, rather than prancing all over me, kneading my neck, and licking my face.

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    1. Nothing quite equals the pleasure of being licked with a scratchy cat tongue, does it --good thing too.

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  9. Do you know that one of the original researchers on the hippocampus was Carl Jung? Given his later writings, that's rather weird. But Jung, a dashing fellow, might have other things in mind when he contributed in the late '30s.

    I have little experience with cats, Cary was indifferent to them, and I had, rather my sister had, a german shepard when I was young.....he would bring home cats, like cats would bring home mice....and wait for praise on the front porch. My sister would make me fetch the shovel, and....well, you can imagine.

    I wonder if this had effect on my theta waves, during REM, and made me veer to the science dark side....?

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    1. Living beings are various. One may improve the sanity of millions as a pioneer of analytical psychology. Another will feel a measureless sense of purpose trotting home with a cat in his teeth. But, for personal reasons, I place them both second to cardiopulmonary specialists.

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    2. Goodness. Well, I guess we've had our moments. I've been lucky enough to have know a few of the greats. Al Starr......a dappy dresser who showed me some fine Portland sights, and Andreas Gruentzig who I had the fortune to work with in the late 70's.
      Personally, I tend towards the people who can, like my wife, who can re-channel things from the unfocused fury to a semi-reasoned course with a few words.

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  10. I will miss how you make me laugh
    See you Geo

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    1. Your laughter is such a pleasant reward, Margie. Best speed on your projects and I look forward to the pleasure of your renewed company.

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