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Saturday, August 30, 2014

My Encounter With Tyrannosaurus

This is a repost from 3 years ago. I have corrected some its original enigmatic spelling on the suggestion of helpful commenters. Surely I can't be the only one who notices somebody's adding new letters to words when I'm not looking, and subtracting others.




I was sitting in the back porch reading and enjoying the early signs of spring --galanthus hung with snowdrops, plum blossoms starting, new grass striving with old. A clutch of yellow daffodils held my attention briefly before I returned to reading. Then I heard a rustle and looked up again. One of the daffodils had got knocked over, its little trumpet mashed on the soil.

"What the...who's out there?" I said.

There was a movement among the stalks. Something was hiding.

"Show yourself or I'm coming out!"

A raspy voice came from the daffodils. "Come out and do what, puny man?"

"I've got a broom and I'll chase you with it."

An ugly, very cross-looking head, about the size and color of a pickle, rose up slightly above the flowers. "Hah! I don't think so," it said. "I'm a Tyrannosaurus!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong," I said, "but I heard your kind was fifteen feet tall, not fifteen inches."

"Oh, you're not mistaken. I'm huge! I'm just standing very far away."

"No you're ten feet off in my daffodils."

"Damn," he muttered. "Binocular vision. Time was when only us Tyrannosaurs had that kind of depth perception. Look, I'll come out but you stay on the porch, and no brooms!"

As the creature emerged he began to explain himself: "You're not entirely incorrect about me. My family, the Tyrant Lizards, is most associated with T-rex, who really was fifteen feet tall --taller than T-bataar but only came up to T-imperator's shoulder. Tyrannosauridae is a large and various group."

"And what sort are you?" I asked.

He turned around and said, somewhat self-consciously, "Er, Tyrannosaurus-cottontail."

"That's a fine, impressive tail." I said, "But what became of your relatives?"

"Oh, they're gone."

"I'm sorry. Extinct then?"

"Not that I know of. You've doubtless seen pictures of them and know they always looked very upset. That's accurate. They got dissatisfied with the era they were in, developed a space-program and left for another planet entirely."

"The era, Jurassic?"

"No, Prohibition. Tyrannosauridae love beer. The bigger ones couldn't get enough anymore. By the way..."

"No problem," I said, taking the hint. "Small glass ok?"

I brought out a bottle of stout and poured a bit for him, which he quaffed eagerly.

"Thanks," he said. "It's dry work hiding and skulking. Not really used to it. T-cottontails rely on disguise to move about freely. Which reminds me..."

"More beer?"

"Rain check! I gotta go to the cleaners and pick up my bunny suit."

28 comments:

  1. Wonderful story. Perhaps it is a Tyrannosauridae who had a wee bit too much beer that altered your spellings?

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    1. Thanks, Emma, your theory makes sense.

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  2. Big, big smiles. Thank you.
    Losing letters is bad, but I get rather more irritated at the magicians who play switch and confuse with whole words. Words which I never intended (possibly never knew) which pop up where I least expect them. Uninvited guests...

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    1. I have always attributed the problem to mild dyslexia, but also prefer to call it magic. Mischievous magic!

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  3. Great story! I've done that more than a few times. I'll look back over something I've written and wonder how on earth I could have missed such an obvious thing! It's even worse when I've read over it multiple times and still haven't seen it.

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    1. Not your fault. I have actually HEARD letters, words and punctuation scrambling about and randomizing when they think I'm not watching.

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  4. We've got those Trabbitsaurusususssss in our garden too. They like the pussy willow bushes. Haven't had one ask me for beer yet though.

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    1. They will, by and by. Just you wait for a warm spring day.

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  5. I don't think the little fella was really cross with you. Perhaps just a little irritated at being found out. Great that you discovered him though. Occasionally he crosses the pond too.

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    1. He seems to like Guinness Extra Stout best, which causes me to suspect I'm related to him.

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  6. Just the post for chuckling on a Saturday afternoon. I wonder whatever became of him?

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    1. Most kind Susan. I have a feeling we're going to find out what became of him quite soon.

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  7. Thanks for reposting and providing laughs to those newer readers of your blog. Great story.

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  8. This may explain a lot, albiet from an unlikely source....I have a small back yard whre I've been trying to grow, let's just say, certain plants. I water in the afternoon and I see where the plants have been plucked.....I pondered it one evening and left the bottle of Irish helper out there when I went to bed. The next morning it was empty, less by a pint it's previous volume. There were also miniture cigarette butts around...could this be they?
    They leave in the fall, I see small, three-toed tracks going off south.

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    1. Doc, the answer is in the butts. Since Tyrannosauridae got their Latin name they've smoked only Modianos and Nazionalis, made in Roma. But the footprints are a good clue too!

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  9. Loved it. I have had nights when I have seen creatures in my garden, and have talked to them also, but it is usually after one or two glasses of fine wine. I should have offered them a sip or two.

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    1. Arleen, Dinosaurs and rabbits only invade gardens in daylight. At night you get 'possums --who do like wine on holidays-- and skunks, who are insectivores and should not be offered anything that might alarm them.

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  10. So glad you reposted as I thoroughly enjoyed it.
    Great little story ...

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  11. I've had more than a few of those T-cottontails as drinking buddies. They enjoy cheap beer, like I do. Not like those fancy, high-falutin pink elephants.

    (did I spell "falutin" correctly? It's not in my daily vocabulary.....)

    Delightfully amusing story, Geo.

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    1. Jon, there is no standardized spelling of "falutin". Any attempt at one would be an affront to wild west vernacular --not to mention highfalootin.

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  12. What fun, Geo! I have a soft spot in my heart for tyrannosaurs. I volunteered for years in the fossil lab at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. I loved the watercolor too. I didn't realize that you were an artist as well as a storyteller. I'm going to take a fresh look at the hordes of bunnies running rampant in my neighborhood. Maybe I'll put out a dish of beer and see what happens. Lots of weird goings on with spelling in my text ~ It drives me crazy! Have a good one!

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    1. Thanks, Louise. I'm not an artist really --all boys like to doodle dinosaurs.

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  13. "The era, Jurassic?"

    "No, Prohibition."

    :) :)

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    1. Suze, my relatives nearly left for a more tolerant planet during prohibition too.

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