Thursday, May 22, 2014
10 Things You Don't Need To Know You Know
I didn't know I'd ever need this photo. Norma took it in the dark when she was watering plants. She liked how water looked flying out the hose so she fetched her camera and took a picture, got all wet too. I thought it might fit an essay about enigmas because it has a nebulous aspect to it, but at the time I had no idea how it would illustrate anything I knew about. So that's one.
#2. When I turn this computer on, it opens to a typical news site, typical in that it's full of sensational headlines that read like titles of bad dreams. It also usually has a couple pieces headed 10 Things You Need To Know!... about this and that, which contain useful information my brain retains for whole nanoseconds --after which I continue to demonstrate prodigious and astonishing ignorance. For example:
#3. You share 55% of genetic information with a banana. You and a potato have about the same number chromosomes. But what happens at family picnics? You EAT them! I don't know about you but I don't need to know that I know that. If you're an omnivore, like me, you may also not want to know you share 90% of your genotype with beef. Happily, in addition to my reliable amnesia regarding this culinary outrage, advertisers of beef know I am half banana and will believe anything.
#4. If you are a morning person, there are many 10-reason articles telling why you are healthier and saner than I am. Because of work [from Proto-Germanic wurkijan and Old English wircan, meaning exhaustion] I got up before dawn for forty-five years and never got used to it. So I retired and now cannot endure morning sun until late afternoon. Do you need to know that? Certainly not before noon which, in times more enlightened than our own, came much later in the day.
#5. I can't think of another one--maybe 10 reasons we should be glad poop is heavier than air and we aren't blundering into it as it drifts around. Or maybe there are 10 tips answering questions in important job interviews like these: Can you foretell the past? Remember the future? Make a sound like glass shattering? Possibly I could examine administrative announcements from the Federal Reserve and U.S. government regarding investments in more bridges for people to live under. Ah, Norma just got home!
#6. I'm ok alone, if you don't count whimpering at the back door and the hole I chewed in the couch. She went out to shop with Christina, who I've only known since 1968, so who knows how reliable she is? No, that is one of the things I do know that I know, which indicates an end to this list. However, in keeping with the theme of Ten Things, let's consider our remainder and how it might address the whole of human knowledge. If there are three or four more things we don't need to know we know, won't stopping at #5 or #6 do? I DON'T KNOW.
#7 through 10. Mice and humans both have 30,000 genes, of which only 300 are unique to either species, so they are 99% related. Yes, let's stop here and have some cheese --with which we share only distant kinship.