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Saturday, November 17, 2018

Uncle Eyeball Yet Again

I was sitting at the kitchen table with Uncle Eyeball, visiting. We don't let him fly inside the house because of presbyopia (click here), an age-related rigidity of the lens caused by upbringing in poorly lit Presbyterian churches.
For those readers unfamiliar with Uncle Eyeball, please click onto this blue area and catch up on my dear relative's adventures.
No, I don't remember them all either, but can attest he is consistent with my delight in amusements that, in my advancing maturity, approximate the chewy consistency of doggy toys. 

I began the interview with a question that had always been on my mind but I'd never asked: "Dear Uncle Eyeball, from what am I, and all earthly life descended?"

"That's easy,"he said. "You come from my generation of Stromatolites --collected on precambrian rocks in lagoons."

"Good heavens!" I gasped. "You mean we're descended from bacteria?"  I dropped him.

"OOPS!" I said.

When he recovered his composure, Uncle Eyeball kindly said, "Don't worry, nephew. My generation is extremely elastic and durable.When I was a schoolboy, there were no history classes because there wasn't any history yet. Language was no less simple --'oops!' comprised the whole of human vocabulary. 

"Thanks Uncle, your heart's in the right place."

"Well, the avuncular cardiac chamber is among the longest surviving --wherever it is. Its influence is permanent."

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

E(a)rnest's Midterm Campaign Message and Bakasana


This afternoon, I wrote this on another blog,"Invalid's Workshop", and  read it aloud to Norma. She said I should put it on my prose blog instead of a poetry one, so I've copied it here. I should add that Bakasana is a Yoga term for what Earnest is doing in the closing Normaphoto.

Transcript: "Fellow citizens, as a native Californian, I earnestly urge you to vote.

I know, I know, you're out there thinking,'But he's a squirrel! He's not human!' Well, I ask you: has that ever stopped any candidate in the past? Has it?"
"Course not! I know my main rivals, the admirable Gavin Newsom and John H. Cox are human but do they depend upon ecological stability as much as I do? Ok, I guess they do. All species' worst fear is starvation, but squirrels now...we squirrels fear evolution like anything. We love being squirrels and we work for peanuts --walnuts anyways. No evolution for us, nossir! I'll kick it out of school curriculum so nobody'll want to do it. What? You don't like that? Well, I ask you: can the other candidates do a cool handstand like this?
Ha! Didn't think so. Write me into the ballot, elect me governor and I'll forget it, just like I forget where I buried my nuts."