"Maybe, I don't know. Are they fresh?"
"Threaded right next door, no question."
"They any good on pizza?"
"Like I'd ask if they weren't."
"Ok, uh how do I know if I'd like eyebrows on my pizza?"
"Well, do you drive a modern sedan?"
"When I don't have to haul anything big, yes."
"Does it look like it wants to crawl into a hole?"
"Quite often, yes."
"Good! Holes are the only parking spots we have left. Hard to back out of but worth trying."
"If you can back a car out of hole, you can eat threaded eyebrows and get a coupon."
"I'll call next door and get back to you."
"Hello, Eyebrow Threading, how can I help you?"
"Are eyebrows any good on pizza?"
"Depends on when you were born and if you were ever in an identical twins contest."
"In the 1950s when I was about 8. We would've won if my older brother had stood further back and looked smaller."
"Hello, I have a question. I mean I had a question but my mind wandered during the hold-time on your answering system. I've been thrown off by all the personal history your policy demands. "
"Oh yes, poor consumer, it can be trying --powerful stuff, history."
"Indeed, one day the world is fine. Next day, it knocks you for a loop!"
"It's a matter of the heart, sir. The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."
"Wait, I recognize that. Its from Blaise Pascal. Blaise, Blaise, is it really you?"
"Alas, I am discovered in history between pizza and threaded eyebrows. Flee! Escape now or be caught in mindless soul-killing muzak! I have other calls."
To hear this menu again, please press 4 now.
I have never pressed 4.