We were sitting outdoors, watching the evening darken into deepest blue. It had been seven months since I had seen Uncle Eyeball and was surprised when Norma leaped from her chair and plucked him from the sky. I thought she'd caught a fruit bat --a habit I've been meaning to speak to her about-- but she held an eyeball up and I was overjoyed at the prospect of his renewed company. I was, however, confused by his altered appearance.
Dear Uncle Eyeball,
Why are you shaved and hatless? And what is the purpose of your pronged appendage? --Geo.
Since last we met, I was drafted by National Security as a surveillance device, examined by their highest echelon of intelligence-gathering technicians who instructed their highest echelon of cosmetologists. I was shaved and stripped and instructed to spy on seditious insurrection unnoticed, disguised as an indoor moon. The purpose of my "appendage" is obvious. I was referred to top secret electricians who converted me from the sustenance of imagination and fitted me with prongs that fit any standard household 110 volt outlet. Kindly plug me into that one on the lamp post behind you.
--Thanks, Uncle Eyeball
Of course, we complied, but there was a complication. As Uncle recharged, he also glowed and projected a figure, an impressively uniformed figure, upon the bean tent. It was difficult to get in one take, having blindingly bright teeth, hair and gold-braid all over him. He said, in most mellifluous and commanding tones,
"Dear Uncle Eyeball,
I'm Captain Troy Handsome of The Metaphysical Emergency Force. Please state the nature of the unnatural!
Yours truly, Capt. Troy Handsome"
I was taken aback by Uncle's response.
They've done it again! Every time I get even slightly free of them, they activate some crazy sub-routine that asks questions that would go right over my head if I had any head instead of just an eyeball. Then they lure me back into the dark work of their world. Unplug me now. I'm fully recharged, ready to fly away with their cause and fail magnificently where others would be merely successful. My blessings, nephew, and do speak to Norma about the dangers of bat-snatching!
All my love, Uncle Eyeball
I did as instructed and watched Uncle streak upward and out of sight. We then directed Captain Troy Handsome to some neighbors across the south field. Unnatural? Yes Captain, they play music that sounds like tennis shoes in the dryer. Good luck with them!