I am not sweet. My wife told me. She thinks I'm grumpy, always has, probably right. We met in a library in the 1960s. I looked like this: She looked like this:
Ok, maybe that was sweet, but I never got sweet again. Guys learn early on whether or not girls appreciate that sort of thing. Norma consented to go out with me a year and a half after I did that.
We now look like this:
But I'm really trying to write about a great hero of the American Old West. Before Norma and I met in the library, there was a breakfast cereal called Sugar Pops. It was advertised on early tv by a rodent called a prairie dog. His name was Sugar Pops Pete and he was ever-vigilant for Bad Guys. Bad Guys were outlaws, belligerents and assorted fusty rustics who refused to be sweet. Pete would pop onto the scene and Bad Guys would yell, "Look out, it's Sugar Pops Pete and he'll tarn ya sweet!" Then Pete would shoot them with his Sugar Popper and they'd be sweet. It was practically a religion. Observe:
Sugar Pops used real sugar, a sweetener that occurred in nature. By and by it was replaced by artificial sweeteners that did not. This political correction made Sugar Pops disappear from the world, and Pete too! Things changed after that. The world was different and more confusing. That's all I know about love, American history, vanishing prairie dogs and religion.