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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Anonymous Enigma, Solved!

My special guest, who kindly agreed to discuss his work and community, needs little in the way of introduction. Few people are quite so immediately recognizable as Anonymous.

Geo.:  Thanks for dropping by!

Anon.: My pleasure.

Geo.:  First off, I want you to know I will respect your anonymity by not using your name.

Anon.: Thoughtful of you but awkward and unnecessary. My name really is Anonymous.

Geo.: And how did you come by that name?

Anon.: My parents. Everybody in my country is named Anonymous --a custom introduced long ago by one of our preeminent educators to simplify classroom roll-call.

Geo.: But I thought Anonymous was a worldwide pseudonym. Where exactly is your country?

Anon.: That will need explaining. You must understand, we are two-dimensional beings. Look at me and tell me what you see.

Geo.: A sort of silhouette.

Anon.: Exactly, a form of inexpensive portraiture named after a frugal French finance minister, Étienne de Silhouette, a great hero. There are many silhouettes honoring Silhouette in our country because there is no other practical representation for two-dimensional people. You see a freestanding shadow. Watch what happens when I turn sideways.
 Geo.: Good heavens! You disappeared!

Anon.: Right! Now I face you again...

Geo.:  You're back!

Anon.: Turn sideways, gone! Frontways, I'm back. Gone. Back. Gone. Back...

Geo.: Stop it!

Anon.: Hee hee! Sorry. I'd like you to meet my wife. Dear, turn frontways.
 
Mrs. Anon.:  Hi! Call me Ann. I'm going to explain where our country is. You know, when you look at an atlas or a globe you see all these states, provinces, counties, nations divided up into thousands of shapes all over the world. They are separated by borders which, on maps, are represented by lines. We live in those lines, Geo. That's where we work and play. That's where we sleep in sheepskin binders, in a net caressing Earth. That is our country.

Geo.: And this "work", please tell me about it.

Ann:  For a long time we posed for artwork on municipal signs. Here's a print of our family visiting our daughter's --or maybe it's our son's-- grampa...or gramma. Recognize anyone?
Geo.: It does possess a strange familiarity. But you mention it in past tense. There is a new industry then?

Anon.: Oh yes, as Ann says, we were already citizens of a world-encompassing net, so it was with great enthusiasm we greeted the electronic "Internet" created by you 3-d people. We felt it was made just for us. So we learned how to sell and advertise, influence and coerce people into buying all kinds of stuff. We live on commission now. Never been more prosperous! 

Geo.: Ah, that's about all we have time for. Any closing items?

Anon.: Well, we shouldn't leave without playing our country's National Anthem.

Geo.: I'll see if I can bring it up on the internet.

Ann:  Oh, don't trouble yourself, Geo. Our boy, or maybe it's a girl (Andie?Amos?), anyway the kid already got into your laptop and has it ready --a great interpretation by the incomparable John C. Reilly. All rise!

23 comments:

  1. Brilliant, as usual. I had always wondered who lives in those pesky lines between the states. I never suspected it was the Anonymous. Of course, here in Texas, it is the Illegal Anonymous.

    I love Mr. Cellophane. It's my kind of song.

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    1. Since watching "Chicago" years ago, I've never got it out of my mind.

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  2. Geo, you could not have found a better clip to describe these bottom-feeders.

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    1. Arleen, I'm not sure there's a better clip, at all.

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  3. Well that's the answer then....we have to get rid of those boundary lines.

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  4. Well I have to say that that was very educational. It's staggering what one can learn from the ether. I was becoming concerned at the possible consequences of what you have told us, until I realised that all this only applies in the US. The rest of us, who do not have the same national anthem, are exempt from any fall-out. Wish you all well over there. Please don't fall down any cracks! You never know what universe you'll finish up in.

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    1. Ah Tom, one gets used to navigating time toward a future that best includes one.

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  5. Thanks, Geo.! This finally explains so much for me, ranging from who 'Anonymous' is to 'Flatland' to whatever happened to cellophane in a succinct and entertaining way! Do you think you can do my taxes for me now?

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    1. Willie my friend, Abbott would have found much fascination in our society of electronic seance.

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  6. Trolling waxes and wanes, but sadly anonymity is important to societies and its elimination ends up costing them dearly in a lot of subtle ways.

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  7. Dear Geo.,
    hilarious! The way your phantasy goes is always amiably amazing me. 'Anonymous' can be a bit - let's call it "boring" - sometimes, when they spam my blogs for instance. I always wonder who in his right mind can expect that one answers their strange comments with links to - something, whatsoever, I never looked.

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    1. Best if you never look, dear Brigitta. Spammers are not online for the same reasons you are. Even rejection encourages them!

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    2. Dear Geo., thank you for your tip! Just a minute before I did read it, I deleted an anonymous comment, and my annoyed reaction to it. (I grow up - though only in small steps, and with some relapses :-)

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  8. Oops. I read this post first, and then the one before this... and the comment I put THERE shoulda gone HERE. (sigh) Oh well. Fun posts, as always.

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    1. Oh, I do that too. Love your notion: "I finally understand Mitt's comment about having a 'binder full of women.'"

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  9. "We live in those lines, Geo. That's where we work and play. That's where we sleep in sheepskin binders, in a net caressing Earth. That is our country."

    Geo, you truly are a treasure.

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    1. Most kind Stephanie. We are Earthlings, eh?

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  10. Oh, genius. That sign was their portrait..they live between countries. OMG this has the makings of a blockbuster movie! I love it

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    1. I'd go see that movie. Thanks, Michelle.

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