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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Report On Our California Drought

The world has lately seen worrying photos from this state, like this one from Associated Press, of the effects of substandard rainfall.
It shows what happens when the weight of water is removed from topsoil. With nothing to hold it down, topsoil comes free from earth in large chunks and floats off into the sky. This sample appears to be about the size of Rhode Island, and is following a slight breeze toward Utah. Utah could use topsoil, certainly, because they don't have any. Like Arizona, Utah was never quite finished. So both states have stationed crews with long hooked poles to snag the soil as it drifts over and bring it down. I mention Arizona because I am Lieutenant Governor of that state and have a picture of it.


Another aspect of the drought is just as alarming. It has to do with our goat crop. Goat harvesting season is upon us and we are used to seeing orchards full of trees like this one:
Yes, acres upon acres of ripening goats, ready to be picked by seasonal farm laborers and students on semester break. But I have been to several grocery stores and there are still no goats in the produce sections. What do we find instead? Brussells sprouts! The wily parent will tell children Brussells sprouts are  cultivars in the Gemmifera group of cabbages (Brassica oleracea), grown for its edible buds, but kids know what they really are---

Heads! Little dehydrated RAT HEADS boiled in green dye! And I won't eat them because I'm a great big man now and you can't make me. But still, we Californians do not despair. We are at a lower elevation than Utah and Arizona and our topsoil will displace the water they do not have. Where will it flow? Here.

21 comments:

  1. 'And I won't eat them because I'm a great big man now and you can't make me.'

    :) :) :)

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  2. How right you are about brussell sprouts. Baby garbages. I won't eat them either. Though I wouldn't eat the goats - ripe or not, either.

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  3. Stinky little cabbages...the hubs loves them so I cook them for him but you can't make ME eat them...nosireee. We have somewhat the same problem at times with disappearing topsoil out on the Bradford marsh. Many's the time I've driven through there in a dust storm. Maybe some of your topsoil will land in the marsh and replace what they've lost over time.

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  4. 'goat trees' LOL Mr. Lieutenant Governor .
    I DO NOT like those brussell sprouts, I do not one little bit.

    You made me chuckle Geo but I am sad about the drought in CA.

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  5. Wow. You all have it rough out there. All we have to deal with here is a little snow and an occasional tornado.
    I have no idea why we were voted the 2nd most miserable state in the US. Obviously, yall have bigger problems! LOLOLOL!!!

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  6. Geo, I am becoming a little concerned here! Someone one implied on my blog that I was taking an unidentified substance, and he would like some too. I don't know how strong your coffee is, but I hope it doesn't find its way into our coffee pot. Fortunately, I can detect a ripe old goat, so steps can be taken! However, I might just start believing sprouts have ears as well. And there are enough people in Europe who object to being ruled by Brussels!

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  7. Lt. Gov. of Arizona... Well played. They don't have one! Silly job anyway.

    I like the goat tree best. Goats are awesome.

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  8. I am thoroughly convinced that Brussels Sprouts are some kind of cruel joke played by God.

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  9. I was hoping the topsoil would come to Texas because we desperately need it. I've been looking skyward but all I can see is dust. California has been having droughts since Father Junipero Serra was founding (or finding) the missions. Texas has been having droughts since Moses parted the Red Sea.

    Due to the incredibly dry Texas weather, there are no goats at all on the trees this season - - only a few desert rats. As for brussel sprouts - - if they weren't green and didn't have eyes, perhaps I would eat them.

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  10. Hey! I'LL have your boiled rat heads!

    Mmmmm. Rat heads.

    Pearl

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  11. Oh Geo.,
    those little dried rat heads dyed green - maybe followed by a plate full of spinach - no, I don't want them either! I always speculated there must be something good in growing older - now I've found it - we can choose what we eat (for a while. at least)! We call someone who is always nagging a "Meckerziege" in German (meaning: "bleating goat") - maybe there you'll find your goat-harvest that disappeared: sitting in front of their little plates, protesting: 'No. I won't eat my brussel sprouts, no!".

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  12. Pass the "little green balls" (as my then 4 yr. old daughter called them) down to my end of the table.

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  13. You see, this is why the rest of the country "fears" California. The strangest occurrence in Florida is medical marijuana being on the ballot in November.

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  14. heh heh heh........I could maybe manage a rats head.........it's celeriac that is pure and utter evil!

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  15. I am super-disturbed by the Martian Sprouts. Brussels sprouts were bad enough. I suppose the red planet thingies are especially adapted to adverse conditions, such as wot you have in CA.

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    1. Ok, I admit it. I drew the little eyes on them myself, rat eyes, but they do look Martian, don't they?

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  16. I was about to accept the flying dirt picture, but with the rest my mind went, "huh-uh." But I have decided to use the brussels sprouts with eyes excuse now, because I hate eating the stuff so much. "It's alive!"

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    1. The "flying dirt" pic got less alarming when I found the camera was aimed down at the receding blue water of Folsom Lake, and not toward the sky. Couldn't resist using the illusion, though!

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  17. We sure could use some of that floating topsoil down our way to temper all the clay and granite in our yard. I hope some of that rain that fell on CA fell around your way. As for those goats being ready to pick, how can you tell? They ALWAYS smell ripe.

    I guess I'm in the minority, because I like Brussel sprouts.

    Happy weekend, dude.

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