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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Post Operative Enigma


" Cardiological Associates. How may I direct your call?"

" This is Geo. I had a pacemaker change-out this week and need to talk with a doctor."

" Which doctor performed the procedure?"

" Electrophysiologist. Big Irishman."

" He's busy in the basement today.  Perhaps the A.C.N-P. could help. I'll put you through."

**************
 "Acute Care Nurse-Practitioner. What seems to be the problem?"

" My upper body's turning purple."

" Anything else?"

" Yes, I'm turning yellow in some spots too."

" Well, Geo., I wouldn't worry too much. You're a thin man, so you show fluid discolorations that larger people seldom notice because they're absorbed into adipose tissue. Are you in pain?"

" Not especially, just a bit around the incision..."

" Hold on, they need me downstairs, Geo. I'll connect you with another department."

***************
"This is Herpetology. How can I help you?"

"I'm thin. I'm turning different colors. Is that bad?"

"Depends. Where are you?"

"About 10 miles south of you. Should I come in? I can drive ok."

"No, no, I meant what's around you right now."

"I'm in the back yard at a table. There's a broom shrub blooming and I'm surrounded by periwinkle. It's quite pleasant really."

"Hmm, periwinkle flowers purple. And the broom blossoms, what color?"

"Uh, yellow."

"As I thought, your operation stimulated old limbic brain layers. In your ancestry, any Iguanas?

"Maybe. Maybe real far back."

"Doesn't matter,  I suspect you're from a chameleon clade and it's affecting your chromatasphores on a cellular level. Doesn't matter if you're thin either."

"Doesn't?"

"No, I'm quite short and stocky but it happened to me once. I was standing on a street corner, admiring the sky, when I turned blue and white."

"Was the condition dangerous?"

"Only when people tried to stuff letters down my mouth."

                 [From Norma's garden to all: ''Hello! Have a relaxing holiday"]

15 comments:

  1. This sounds familiar. I think we may all be calling one doctors' office and getting the same people to talk to.

    But I truly hope you aren't turning purple and yellow, however festive and Easterly that may be.

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  2. Purple with yellow spots? Could it be you are turning into an Easter egg? Seriously, I hope you are starting to heal and will be back to whatever is normal for you very very soon.

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  3. Oh, Geo., I probably shouldn't be laughing but you're humor is always too delightful to resist.

    The only positive aspect I can think of is that purple and yellow are Easter colors. At least you're in season......

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  4. Austan, Delores, Jon, --It's true! With my shirt off I am all sorts of impossible colors. I look like a painter's dropcloth.

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  5. Oh my Geo., you had me laughing hysterically, but I see from your last response, that it is true that you are a rainbow of colors. Have you checked with my doctors at WebMD? They might be more concerned, even if they may be robots.

    Truly, if you are concerned, get yourself to the ER, ASAP.j

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  6. Arleen-- I did drive over eventually and 3 nurses checked me. They agreed I looked tie-dyed (and took pics to show the surgeon) but said I had nothing to worry about.

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  7. Oh. I am glad it doesn't hurt - but that is all that I am glad about. (I am more than a bit anti the medical profession, particularly in the areas of accessibility and communication).
    I hope that it settles very, very soon.

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  8. I meant to say "your" instead of "you're". It only took me two days to notice my mistake.....

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  9. You are surely in good hands with those doctors.

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  10. Maybe you're just a chameleon . . . : )

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  11. Elephant's Child-- Thanks for your comment and good wishes. I am getting better!

    Jon-- Oh my gosh! Your right!

    DB.-- They've kept me alive and active with bionics and dedicated skill for 7 years. Good hands indeed!

    Amy-- You are a perceptive observer. Protective coloring is a skill I'd like to perfect.

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  12. This had the air of a rambling dream that overlapped a late morning, painted in muted swirls. The bruising makes my brow furrow, but I trust you're in good hands.

    You should have them forward the pictures to you, that you might remember the day you were a butterfly....or a flower?

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  13. This is why I love you.

    Connecting you with herpetology. Why I oughta...

    :-)

    Pearl

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  14. Chantel --I am recovering apace. Thank you, and welcome!

    Pearl-- Aw Pearl, yuh give me the goldurned emotions.

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  15. I understand the disquiet of becoming a human chameleon.

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